ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
