UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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