You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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