These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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