oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
