Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
