Pappa wants mamma naked
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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