Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
