I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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