return my video game
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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