im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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