All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
