I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize