So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
