I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Holy shit dude........stairs
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
