i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You may now shotgun with the bride
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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