I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
