i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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