I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think a kid would responsible me up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
