I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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