it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
