Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
