Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
