The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
