I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
