Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
