how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
