dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
