No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
