yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
