question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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