I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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