Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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