If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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