How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Text me some of your sweat
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
