You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
