may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
