If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
