So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
