So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
