your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
