I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my shit smells like andre
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
