1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's just like the Real World with babies
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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