Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
