I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
