is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
