Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
