the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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