Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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