so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize