My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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