I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
