I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
