so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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