You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
