I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
