its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Of course I have a pirate flag
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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