Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
