yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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