Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
