well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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