Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I could make wine with my vomit
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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