there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize