gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
