I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
