I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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