I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
