Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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