Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
