Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
