I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
