Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
