You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sober January is a disaster.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
